


Blood, Tears, and Whiskey

by DarkPilot



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Destructive Tendencies, Drinking, Explicit Rating because of sensitive topics, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Modern AU, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post Break-up, Self-Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:46:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10074947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPilot/pseuds/DarkPilot
Summary: The brutal aftermath of the hardest decision Poe Dameron's ever had to make — breaking up with his long-distance boyfriend, Ben Solo.





	

It didn't feel good. Some people said it would. It didn't.

It was crushing. It was overwhelming. It almost physically hurt. It weighed at the back of Poe's mind, and he just couldn't shake it.

He ran a hand along the stubble that had formed over his normally clean-shaven face. He really needed to do something about that. It itched.

Poe reached for the bottle. It was his third one that night. He took a long sip, letting the whiskey burn its way down his throat. He didn't even look at the broken chair on the floor beside him. Sip. Sigh. Repeat.

He would have stood up, but he felt too drunk to do anything. Drunk was good. Drunk meant release. Release meant . . . well, what did it mean?

It had been two weeks. Surely that was enough time to get over a breakup. Surely. Some of the whiskey ran down his chin that time.

It was for their own good, Poe had told himself at the time. Ben was about two and a half thousand miles away on the other side of the country. He was all the way in fucking Memphis, Tennessee, while Poe was stuck in Seattle, Washington. It wasn't going anywhere. It had to end.

That was what he told himself then, and that was what was going through his mind now as whiskey dribbled onto the shirt he'd worn for the past four days.

The weight. Christ, the sheer weight of whatever it was — it was almost too much. Almost. Poe had his drinks to keep him company.

"Fuck it all!" Poe shouted suddenly, standing up as a surge of anger coursed through him. With animalistic strength, he turned the table over, the whiskey bottles shattering on the linoleum floor of his apartment. "Fuck everything!"

He took the chair that had once been Ben's, and he threw it across the room. Luckily, it landed on the sofa, so nothing was broken.

Well, no more than it already was.

"Fuck you, Snap, for saying it would be okay!" Poe yelled to his empty apartment, hitting and kicking the table with every word. "Fuck you, Finn, for saying I could do it!"

His foot landed on a glass shard, and he screamed in pain and euphoria, welcoming the feel of the glass in his flesh. He fell on the floor and yanked the shard out of his foot, watching the blood pool around his heel.

He took the bloodied shard, and he dragged it across his palms, tearing away at his soft tan skin. When that wasn't enough, he moved to his wrists. He ripped at himself, drenching his hands in his own blood. Somewhere along the way, he lost the shard and started using his nails instead.

"Fuck!" Poe shouted over and over, soaked in blood, tears, and whiskey. His cries grew softer and softer. "Fuck . . ."

Gradually, Poe curled up in a fetal position against the far wall, looking in horror at the damage he'd done. Glass was all over the kitchen floor; it was a miracle he hadn't died yet. Ben's chair was missing a leg and part of an armrest. Tears and snot ran down Poe's face, and he pounded his head against the wall repeatedly.

"Ben . . ." he cried. "Ben, why did I do this?"

Poe Dameron repeated the question over and over, but Ben Solo never replied.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys — I went through a breakup a few months ago, and I'm still trying to get over it. I never got violent or drunk like Poe, but there have been highs and lows, and I'm honestly not really doing that great right now. 
> 
> If any of you have advice or something on how to get over a guy I've known for most of my life, please share with me in the comments. It's truly appreciated.


End file.
